The End Is Nigh

The Decider Solves the Middle East Crisis

2006-07-18T11:18:00.000-06:00

BUSH to Blair: "I think Condi is going to go (to the Middle East) pretty soon."

BLAIR: "Right, that's all that matters, it will take some time to get that together . . . See, if she goes out she's got to succeed as it were, where as I can just go out and talk."

BUSH: "See, the irony is what they need to do is get Syria to get Hizbollah to stop doing this shit and it's over."

BLAIR: "Who, Syria?"

BUSH: "Right . . . What about Kofi? That seems odd. I don't like the sequence of it. His attitude is basically ceasefire and everything else happens."

BLAIR: "I think the thing that is really difficult is you can't stop this unless you get this international presence agreed." . . .

BUSH: "I felt like telling Kofi to get on the phone with Assad and make something happen. We're not blaming Israel. We're not blaming the Lebanese government."

LMAO... OK, Alanis, just tell Hizbollah to stop it. Why didn't we think of that before?

Newt Declares WWIII

2006-07-18T10:44:00.000-06:00

"I believe if you take all the countries I just listed, that you’ve been covering, put them on a map, look at all the different connectivity, you’d have to say to yourself this is, in fact, World War III."

U.S. judge temporarily bans Navy's use of sonar to protect whales

2006-07-05T00:27:00.000-06:00

To protect marine species, a U.S.federal judge temporarily blocked the Navy from using active sonar during an exercise off Hawaii, the Los Angeles Times reported on Tuesday.

In a seven-page ruling, the judge said there is "considerable convincing scientific evidence" that the Navy's use of sonar can kill, injure and disturb many species, including marine mammals.. U.S. Navy had planned to use sonar during the Rim of the Pacific exercise, which began last week off Hawaii with 40 surface ships and six submarines scheduled to participate. The sonar portion of the monthlong exercise was to begin Wednesday.

The sonar use in this exercise is meant to test whether quiet, diesel-powered submarines can be detected. Before this exercise, U.S. Department of Defense invoked a six-month national security exemption from the Marine Mammal Protection Act to thwart a lawsuit by an environmentalist group.

The environmentalists filed the lawsuit last week after the National Marine Fisheries Service issued a permit for the Navy to use sonar during the current exercises. Los Angeles-based Judge Florence-Marie Cooper ruled that the exemption did not cover the National Environmental Policy Act cited in the lawsuit.

The judge's order blocks the Navy's use of sonar until a July 18 hearing, when Cooper is to consider making the ban permanent. Cooper gave the two sides until July 12 to meet and discuss a possible settlement.

The Navy said that sonar was the only effective means to quickly detect and target hostile submarines, and that sonar operators needed training at sea "to protect our nation's ships, shores and allies."

Navy scientists denied that sonar hurts whales. But the Fisheries Service concluded that sonar used during a similar exercise in 2004 had likely caused 150 melon-headed whales to gather in a shallow bay.

story: http://english.people.com.cn/200607/05/eng20060705_280265.html

Give Rise the Toxic Jungle

2006-05-31T11:49:00.000-06:00

Rising CO2 will give rise to poison ivy, noxious vines
New York, May 31 (PTI): Rising levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere could give birth to thick forests, but with more toxic forms of poisonous ivy and other noxious vines, researchers say.

Higher carbon dioxide levels expected in the next 50 years could breed ivies that grow twice as fast, and, unexpectedly, manufacture a nastier form of poison, researchers in the United States have shown.

"It'll be more dangerous to go in the forest," team leader Jacqueline Mohan of the Marine Biological Laboratory at Woods Hole, Massachusetts was quoted by Nature magazine as saying. Poison ivy (Toxicodendron radicans), which grows as a shrub or tree-climbing vine, is already the scourge of gardeners and hikers in North America for the excruciating skin rash it can trigger. The plant makes a fatty toxin called urushiol in its leaves.

In the study, Nature says Mohan and her co-workers pumped extra carbon dioxide over three large circular plots of North Carolina pine forest. For six years, the plants inside were exposed to an extra 200 parts per million of the gas over today's atmospheric concentration of about 380 parts per million, roughly what we might expect from pollution by the middle of this century.

Other research, the magazine says, has suggested that vines tend to grow particularly fast in response to higher carbon dioxide levels and that vines are increasing in abundance all over the planet.

Unlike trees, which use extra carbon to grow more wood, vines use it to produce more leaves. The extra leaves help the plant to harvest even more carbon dioxide, the cycle continues and the vines flourish.

Mohan's experiment sought to check whether the plants shoot up in the wild, as they do in greenhouse experiments.

"Yes, dramatically," was the answer, Nature says.

The poisonous ivies grew at double the rate of plants grown under regular carbon dioxide levels, whereas woody species on average tend to grow around 31 per cent faster.

The elevated levels also created a nastier version of urushiol poison, the team showed.

By extracting urushiol from the plant's leaves, Nature says the researchers found that poison ivy grown in high carbon dioxide churned out more than 150 per cent more of one nasty, unsaturated form of urushiol and around 60 per cent less of the mild, saturated form.

Yay for Censorship

2006-05-04T08:41:00.000-06:00

So the Colbert video (see previous post) was well on it's way to becoming the biggest video on youtube ever, the stats were off the charts. Then suddenly views started dropping fast. I went to check out why and got this message:

This video has been removed due to copyright infringement.

Seems that all C-Span videos were removed from youtube. Wikipedia states that C-Span claims intellectual property rights on anything it broadcasts. Interesting timing me thinks... I bet if it was just the two-headed Bushtard routine they'd all still be there...

More Corporate Media Non-News

2006-05-01T16:49:00.000-06:00

Somehow, Stephen Colbert was invited to be the headlining guest speaker at the Washington Press Corp Dinner, which Bush also attended. Listen to Colbert rip into the Bush Administration and the so-called "Liberal Media". It's painful to watch, but that's Colbert's style, and I love it. Perhaps even more interesting is the fact that the President got himself tore a new asshole on live TV, and no major news media outlet even bothered reported it.

An Inconvenient Truth

2006-04-27T16:39:00.000-06:00

Yahoo! Bible Thumpers!

2006-04-25T12:19:00.000-06:00

If you haven't visited Yahoo! Answers yet, don't. The stupidity therein is absolutely astounding. Especially entertaining is the religious category, where various believers profess to the world how ignorant they really are in their individual theologies. It will make your brain hurt, don't say I didn't warn you.

The Right to Electricity as Mother Nature (and Disney) Intended

2006-04-20T22:45:00.000-06:00

"Anyone who's seen [the Walt Disney animated film] 'The Lion King' knows there's a circle of life," which in the real world includes "access to electricity, disease prevention, clean water and nutrition," said Paul Driessen, senior policy advisor for the Congress of Racial Equality.

"But just as there's a circle of life, there's also a circle of death. It connects policies that perpetuate poverty, disease, malnutrition and early death," noted Driessen, who is also the author of the book, "Eco-Imperialism: Green Power, Black Death."

The Circle of Life provides access to electricity??? Where do I sign up?

Prison Ship Earth

2006-04-07T10:55:00.000-06:00

"Jesus entrusted Judas with a secret he did not reveal to any of his other disciples: That this world was not created by the one true God, but by a lesser, evil divinity as a place to entrap divine spirits.

'The idea of this gospel is that humans have a divine spirit trapped within them that needed to escape their bodies and Jesus was just here temporarily and he also needed to escape and Judas provided him the way of doing it.' "

Corporation Responsible for 'Big Dig' Fiasco Awarded Los Alamos Labs

2006-03-31T22:10:00.000-07:00

Nuclear laboratories are no longer to be intellectual institutions devoted to science but part of a corporate-business model where research, design, and ultimately the weapons themselves will become products to be marketed....continued post...
In December 2005, construction giant Bechtel won a $553 million yearly management contract to run Los Alamos Laboratories, which has an estimated $2.2 billion annual budget.

But a look at Bechtel's record might not inspire others... The California-based construction giant has a long history of big projects, big promises, bigger budgets and even bigger failures.

In Boston, Bechtel was put in charge of the "Big Dig," the reconstruction of Interstate 93 beneath the city. In 1985, the price tag for the project was estimated at about $2.5 billion. Now, it is a whopping $14.6 billion...

Hiroshima and Nagasaki wish this had happened sixty years ago.

God Loves The Baptists

2005-11-01T13:30:00.000-07:00

A pastor performing a baptism was electrocuted inside his church after grabbing a microphone while partially submerged...

God Told Him To...

2005-10-07T09:44:00.000-06:00

"Jerusalem -- President Bush told two high-ranking Palestinian officials that he had been told by God to invade Afghanistan and Iraq and then create a Palestinian state to bring peace to the Middle East, they recall during a documentary on Middle East peace that airs next week in Britain."

More famous "Godtoldmetos"

Let's Nuke The West Bank

2005-07-27T08:43:00.000-06:00

"Suppose that while fighting terrorists in various spots on the globe,
and pressuring other countries to repudiate terrorists, America designated one country where -- for the time being -- terrorists could feel protected?...And one day, at their own convenience, they closed it off and liquidated them all." - Hillel Thalman, Israel Insider

(unretouched photo thieved from Robert Jones Jerusalem Digest)

Biotoxins

2005-07-22T10:27:00.000-06:00

In the largest study of chemical exposure ever conducted on human beings, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported Thursday that most American children and adults were carrying in their bodies dozens of pesticides and toxic compounds used in consumer products, many of them linked to potential health threats. - By Marla Cone, LA Times

Doomsday Clocks

2005-07-12T10:53:00.000-06:00

Prey to your Lord God Oil

2005-06-30T18:57:00.000-06:00

"America's economy, foreign policy, internal future, and wet dreams of another century of hegemony are all tied to cheap oil. And the way we have kept oil cheap is by being the 800-pound gorilla (also guerilla) of the world energy market. OPEC controls some of the supply, but make no mistake that Big Oil – American Big Oil – calls the shots for the world energy market." - John Steinberg
Image stolen from The Infinite Jest

Oh, The Irony...

2005-06-24T15:39:00.000-06:00

Jason Surks, 19, educated since age 6 by his mother about the dangers of drug use, died a year and half ago of, get this... a drug overdose of prescription drugs obtained over the Internet by mail order from Mexico. He was attending school at Rutgers University to become, get this... a pharmacist. A drug abuse prevention center opened in New Jersey has been named, get this... the Jason Surks Memorial Prevention Resource Center. R.I.P. brother Jason.

Fascist USA Headlines

2005-06-23T14:01:00.000-06:00

All in a day's work. Just when you think things couldn't get any worse:

Bush: U.S. Needs More Nuclear Power Plants
Bush is promoting nuclear power as a way to take the pressure off fossil fuels — oil, natural gas and coal.
Supreme Court Rules Cities May Seize Homes
A divided Supreme Court ruled Thursday that local governments may seize people's homes and businesses against their will for private development
Feds Launch Prescription Pot Sweep
It didn't take long for federal drug agents to act against growers of medical marijuana. Just two weeks after the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that it was still a federal offense to grow and dispense pot for medical purposes, 20 such sites were busted by federal authorities in California.
House Approves Move to Outlaw Flag Burning
Symbols are everything in politics. They can get you elected — or defeated. That's why Democrats fear getting singed by a proposed flag-burning ban, forced into a vote that Republicans will cast as a test of patriotism.

Every day they take more of our freedom away. Now corrupt politicians can take our land away too at the whim of a salivating Wal-Mart developer. Bush is even trying to indebt us to The Corporations that will sell us nuclear electricity, instead of letting the people create their own power from the sun and the wind. Things get bleaker every day...

The More Things Change...

2005-06-22T10:25:00.000-06:00

phone dialing...phone rings...
British Voice: Prime Minister's Office, Prime Minister speaking.
American Voice:
Greetings! This is the Secretary of War at the State Department of the United States...
We have a problem.
The Companies want something done about this sluggish world economic situation.
Profits have been running more than a little thin lately and we need to stimulate some growth.
Now, we know there's an alarmingly high number of young people roaming around in your country with nothing to do but stir up trouble for the police and damage private property.
It doesn't look like they'll ever get a job...
It's about time we did something constructive with these people...
We've got thousands of 'em here too.
They're crawling all over...
The companies think it's time we all sit down, have a serious get together, and START ANOTHER WAR...
Prime Minister: uhh ohhhhhhh ohhhh
The president? Oh he loves the idea!
All those missiles streaming over-head, to-an-fro...napalm...people running down the road, skin on fire...
The Soviets seem up for it...The Kremlin's been itching for the real thing for years! Want a little going away present for Mr. Breshnev.
Hell, Afghanistans no fun...
So whadya say? We dont even have to win this war!
We just want to cut down on some of this excess population...
Now look, just start up a draft, draft as many of those people as you can.
We'll call up every last youngster we can get our hands on and give 'em an hour or two to learn how to use an automatic rifle and send 'em on their way...
El Salvador? How bought Northern Ireland?
Or a moderatly repressive regime in South America?
We'll just cook up a good Soviet threat story in the Middle East. We need that oil!
We had Libya all ready to go and Colonel Khadafi's hit squad didn't even show up. I tellya...that man is UNREALIABLE.
The Kremlin had there fingers on the button just like we did for that one..
Now just think for a minute...
We can make this war so big...SOOOO big...
The more people we kill in this war... The more economy will prosper...
We can get ride of practically every one on your uh- "dole queue" if we plan this right.
Take every loafer on welfare right off computer rolls...
Prime Minister: ohhhhhhh mmmmmm ohhhhh
Now dont worry about those demonstraters... just PUMP UP YOUR DRUG SUPPLY.
So many people have hooked themselves on heroine and amphetamines since we took over, its just like Vietnam.
We had everybody so busy with LSD it never got too strong.
keep the war functioning just fine...its easy.
We've got college kids so interested in beer they don't even care
that we start putting manufacturing germ bombs again.
Put a nuclear stockpile in their back yard, they wouldnt even no what it looked like....
So how bought it?
Look- WAR IS MONEY -
The arms manufacturers tell me unless we get our bomb factories up to full production the whole economy is going to collapse!
The Soviets are in the same boat!
we all think its TIME FOR THE BIG ONE!
So whadya say?!?
Prime Minister: ...ohhh it's marvelous....that's excellent...
Secretary of War: We knew you'd agree! The Companies will be very pleased.

from "Kindy Sex Makes The World Go Round" Dead Kennedys, 1987

Lightning Hits Baptist Church

2005-06-22T09:38:00.000-06:00

(image not actual Baptist Church)
'A bolt from the heavens shook the congregation of Amazing Grace Baptist Church in Collinsville Sunday.
But instead of heavenly wrath, church members saw a blessing from the skies.
...
“Somebody could have got killed and the place burned down. It had to be a higher power that protected everybody in that church,” said Joyce.
Ralph Foley agreed. “I think God was looking out for us,” he said.'

Ummm... WTF???

When Zombies Attack

2005-06-21T13:04:00.000-06:00

"If a town of 5000 people become infected with an infection rate of 95% there are till 250 people in the town that are not a threat to you. Also ammo can be used less conservatively.
After you realized that you are dealing with a local outbreak try to find the nearest gun shop. If the owner if still alive there is a good chance he will wave your three day waiting period and also throw in some free rounds. If he dead then no worries, have at it."

As you can see, Tom has thought long and hard about what to do if a zombie outbreak ever occurs in his town (probably in response to this Friday's release of George A. Romero's Land of The Dead). Gotta love his optimism... Only 19 out of 20 people will be trying to eat you, AND you can get the 3 day waiting period for a handgun waived...

The Passion of The Christ

2005-06-20T15:11:00.000-06:00

Actor Jim Caviezel has been struck by lightning while playing Jesus in Mel Gibson's controversial film The Passion Of Christ.
The lightning bolt hit Caviezel and the film's assistant director Jan Michelini while they were filming in a remote location a few hours from Rome.
It was the second time Michelini had been hit by lightning during the shoot.

Why did I not hear of this earlier? Aren't you Christian types concerned about this? I would be. I am. If you are religious, then there must be a God. Then why would God make this happen? Or let it happen? Is he trying to say something? "Don't make such a terrible movie." "Jesus is not my son?" "Good job Mel, keep it up?" What?????

Michelini was the person struck twice, it's possible God was only trying to get him
It could be a good omen, being struck by lightning and living to tell about it
Or maybe God's just out of practice with the lightning bolts
Do people get struck by lightning a lot in Italy?
If so, what are the odds of a person getting struck twice in their lifetime?
Twice while filming the same movie?
Twice while filming a movie about Jesus Christ?

eArTHq uAke ! !!

2005-06-17T10:33:00.000-06:00

An undersea earthquake with a magnitude of 6.6 has struck off northern California - the fourth to hit the US West Coast this week.

Sidenote: The image shown here is actually from the inside cover of the Tool album Ænima. See also the fuck your tattoos post published 11 days ago. Creeped out yet?

Pestilence

2005-06-14T11:09:00.000-06:00

"The only hope is that our species will be leveled by the coming plague, whatever it's going to be -- which of course will happen before too long -- and then we start over again. But as we know, speciation takes a million years. So this diversity of life that we inherited in our time won't be back for a long time to come. What's left just depends on how soon our numbers are stripped back. It's not the earth that's endangered; it's everything else that lives with us. Capitalism is a giant Ponzi scheme -- it's got to crash eventually." - T. C. Boyle

To Lighten the Mood

2005-06-14T09:57:00.000-06:00

He'Brew. Get it? Get it??? Alright, *groan*. A New York USA ale that I most likely will never get to taste. No worries it only has a 28 rating.

Crazy Ass Muslim Christian Extremists

2005-06-13T22:08:00.000-06:00

"...millions of Christian fundamentalists may believe that environmental destruction is not only to be disregarded but actually welcomed -- even hastened -- as a sign of the coming apocalypse." - Bill Moyers

Peak Oil

2005-06-13T16:34:00.000-06:00

"The industrialised world and its economy rely entirely on fossil fuels. Under this fossil fuel system, access to oil (whoever owns it) is access to power. Put simply, without oil modern society cannot function as it is." - Julian Gibson

Hopi Prophecy

2005-06-09T09:58:00.000-06:00

"These are the Signs that great destruction is here: The world shall rock to and fro. The white man will battle people in other lands -- those who possessed the first light of wisdom. There will be many columns of smoke and fire such as the white man has made in the deserts not far from here. Those who stay and live in the places of the Hopi shall be safe. Then there will be much to rebuild. And soon, very soon afterward, Pahana will return. He shall bring with him the dawn of the Fifth World. He shall plant the seeds of his wisdom in our hearts. Even now the seeds are being planted. These shall smooth the way to the Emergence into the Fifth World."

"World War III will be started by those peoples who first revealed the light (the divine wisdom or intelligence) in the other old countries (India, China, Islamic Nations, Africa). The United States will be destroyed, land and people, by atomic bombs and radioactivity. Only the Hopis and their homeland will be preserved as an oasis to which refugees will flee. Bomb shelters are a fallacy. "It is only materialistic people who seek to make shelters. Those who are at peace in their hearts already are in the great shelter of life. There is no shelter for evil. Those who take no part in the making of world division by ideology are ready to resume life in another world, be they Black, White, Red, or Yellow race. They are all one, brothers.
The war will be 'a spiritual conflict with material matters. Material matters will be destroyed by spiritual beings who will remain to create one world and one nation under one power, that of the Creator.'"

This Has All Happened Before...

2005-06-08T22:05:00.000-06:00

"I’ve been seeing a lot of writing and mention of the imminent collapse of our civilization. I can’t lay my hands on anything concrete, but there seems to be an undercurrent in journalistic writing lately that heralds the Fall Of Life As We Know It. I think they are right. The end draweth near." - Charon (drunken_boatman)

I sometimes think ahead of people and events. Some thought will pop into my head and the person next to me will say it out loud 2 seconds later. It's been happening more and more recently and with greater intensity. It makes me wonder about that whole idea of a 'global conciousness'. And if that exists, why are more and more people thinking what I'm thinking? Or maybe they've just been thinking it all along, and I chose to ignore them. Although...
I've never been entirely opposed to the idea of mankind's destruction. I've always been a big fan of dystopia. Is it a coincidence that A LOT of other people seem to be thinking about it too?

...and it will all happen again

Fuck Your Tattoos

2005-06-07T13:56:00.000-06:00

"Ænema" - Tool - 1996

Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a vacation from this

Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks

Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.

Fret for your figure and
Fret for your latte and
Fret for your lawsuit and
Fret for your hairpiece and
Fret for your prozac and
Fret for your pilot and
Fret for your contract and
Fret for your car.

It's a
Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks

Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.

Some say a comet will fall from the sky.
Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves.
Followed by faultlines that cannot sit still.
Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits.

Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will cuz
I sure could use a vacation from this

Silly shit, stupid shit...

One great big festering neon distraction,
I've a suggestion to keep you all occupied.

Learn to swim.

Mom's gonna fix it all soon.
Mom's comin' round to put it back the way it ought to be

Learn to swim.

Fuck L Ron Hubbard and
Fuck all his clones.
Fuck all those gun-toting
Hip gangster wannabes.

Learn to swim.

Fuck retro anything.
Fuck your tattoos.
Fuck all you junkies and
Fuck your short memory.

Learn to swim.

Fuck smiley glad-hands
With hidden agendas.
Fuck these dysfunctional,
Insecure actresses.

Learn to swim.

Cuz I'm praying for rain
And I'm praying for tidal waves
I wanna see the ground give way.
I wanna watch it all go down.
Mom please flush it all away.
I wanna watch it go right in and down.
I wanna watch it go right in.
Watch you flush it all away.

Time to bring it down again.
Don't just call me pessimist.
Try and read between the lines.

I can't imagine why you wouldn't
Welcome any change, my friend.

I wanna see it all come down.
suck it down.
flush it down.

Old People Happy to Die Soon

2005-06-06T15:28:00.000-06:00

'I had bubble tea with my parents after dim sum, and they both told me, with serene grins on their faces, that they are happy to be close to the end of their lives because they only foresee the future getting worse for the world. "There are so many things happening now, more than I've ever seen in my life, that can't have good outcomes in the future," said my dad, who works for the UN and has a pretty good idea what's going on. This is not a sentiment you want to hear from the people that brought you into the world in the first place.' - longmarcher

He's got a fabulous icon though, eh?

Party on Wayne...

2005-06-02T11:16:00.000-06:00

"So, before the Big One hits, the UV rays fry you, the nuclear winter freezes you, the Rapture captures you, the aliens abduct you, the earth opens up to swallow you, the black helicopters come to get you or the dreaded Satanic computer pixies plant a bar code in your forehead and plunge the world into commie-pinko conspiracy chaos, Have fun and enjoy life!" - hahnium

Just to keep perspective on what's important...

Religion: The Real Boogeyman

2005-06-02T09:08:00.000-06:00

"This is a really scary thing, hearing about the Tribulation as a kid. I never thought I was going to make it into Heaven, so I had this weird phase when I was about 12 when I thought everyone would go without me. So everytime I was alone I would freak out and think I'd been LEFT BEHIND. Also, any vaguely horn-like noise would freak me the hell out. I was very disturbed. But I was not alone, as every Pentecostal kid can tell you the same sad story. This is what happens when you tell your kids SCARY STUFF like this when they're too young to understand it"

Soap Gives You A Tiny Cock

2005-06-01T11:19:00.000-06:00

"Phthalates are commonly found in plastics, pesticides, and personal care products like shampoos, soaps, and makeup. Phthalate exposure has been linked to malformed sex organs in male lab animals. Now, for the first time, there is a human study linking mothers exposed to phthalates to genital birth defects in male infants...in rodents, has led to a lot of problems later in the rodents' lives such as decreased fertility, decreased sperm count, and eventually testicular cancer." - Doctor Shana Swan, University of Rochester Medical School

Saviours & Religions

2005-05-27T14:38:00.000-06:00

Handy Dandy Saviour Table
Zoroastria	Saoshyant
Hindu	Kalki
Buddist	Maitreya
Judao	Moshiach
Christian	Jesus Christ
Islam	Imam Mahdi
Hopi	Pahana
Rastafari	Yesus Kristos

Ruination

2005-05-26T14:30:00.000-06:00

Continuing the Theme on Apocalyptic Beers and Ales... THIS is some good stuff Maynard. And it does to you as the name implies.

Koran Defecation

2005-05-26T11:50:00.000-06:00

These protests have escalated and are expected to come to a head on May 27, when Islamic movements in 25 countries, notably Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Malaysia and Indonesia, will launch mass gatherings.

La Fin Du Monde

2005-05-25T18:34:00.000-06:00

Finally grabbed one of these babies just because I look at the name every time I'm at the liquor shoppe (Can you say obsessed?). Not really strong for a 9%. Really sweet. Great color and body. The best thing about this is probably the packaging.
Item One in preparation for Armageddon: Learn to make Beer.

Bird Flu Pandemic

2005-05-19T11:24:00.000-06:00

"The finding points to the greatest fear of health experts that the H5N1 virus could unleash a pandemic and kill millions around the globe if ever it gained the ability to be transmitted among humans efficiently." - Chris Crum

Send the Jews Back

2005-05-17T15:02:00.000-06:00

According to Joe Van Koevering, The Apocalypse can be jumpstarted by sending a $250 donation to his church, where the money will be used to send the Jews back to Zion.

Elvis 666

2005-05-13T11:08:00.000-06:00

Elvis will return to earth on June 6, 2006. Or maybe June 1, 2006???

Sun Myung Loon

2005-05-12T14:19:00.000-06:00

The Messiah with Nixon

Killer Hailstorms

2005-05-06T10:54:00.000-06:00

An overnight hailstorm in Oaxaca City, Mexico kills eight people while dumping 30 centimeters if ice in some areas.
Photo stolen from pocahontasss. Too bad Kit and Carol on the Road didn't stick around a day longer... :)

Agent Orange

2005-05-04T14:42:00.000-06:00

"Agent Orange" is a powerful defoliant that was largely used during the Vietnam War, in order to defoliate the forests that where hiding the Vietcong soldiers. This chemical product contained a poison dangerous for health and environment: the dioxin. Its disastrous effects appeared about 3 to 4 years after its use, causing malformations on about 75'000 people. And still nowadays, 25 years after the war, 3'600 children come to life each year with severe deformities, fissures in the throat, double rows of teeth, and other muscular atrophies. The growing infertility of the young women, as well as urological problems, are also attributed to Agent Orange. Effectively, important amounts of dioxin have been found into the grease and liver of the Vietnamese victims. This weedkiller harms human beings by seeping from water or soil into their food.
from http://www.gci.ch/GreenCrossPrograms/LEGACY/agentorange.html

The Bible's Apocalypse

2005-05-03T14:43:00.000-06:00

MIKE RUFFIN has a good summary of the Bible's version of events leading up to Judgment Day:

"The end times are the seven-year period when God's wrath will be slowly brought upon the world for its failure to believe that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior. Jesus refers to it as the great tribulation. (Matthew 24:21) Here are a few examples of what the Bible says will be seen in the end times:

A man will surface who will achieve popularity in both politics and in war. The world will be deceived by his charisma.

End times will begin with the signing of a peace agreement between Israel and her enemies. For the first time ever, the world will be at total peace, or at least it will seem so.

Violence will increase in all parts of the world. A quarter of the earth's population will be killed due to wars, famine, pestilence and wild beasts.

Many people will experience a religious conversion and become followers of Jesus Christ. Most of these newly saved Christians will be hunted down and killed for their faith.

There will be a great earthquake. The sun will be blackened, and the moon will turn blood red.

A third of the earth will be burned up. The sea will become like blood, destroying everything that lives in it. Fresh water will become like blood.

Two men, known as witnesses, will preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ for 3 years and will be killed by the Antichrist.

The Euphrates River will dry up, allowing for a great battle. Rulers will gather their armies together to battle God at Armageddon. Jesus Christ will return with his army to claim the earth as his possession.

The Antichrist will be exposed for whom he really is, and Satan and all his fallen angels will be thrown into a lake of fire.

Pray for Pestilence?

2005-05-03T11:46:00.000-06:00

Avery Walker says a good plague is the solution to our energy problems.

Darkness Comes

2005-05-02T12:06:00.000-06:00

Some guy, whose name really does not matter, lead "singer" of The Darkness to unlease solo album upon the world.

The horror... the horror...

Kill Jews for Mahdi

2005-04-30T08:05:00.000-06:00

Iran's Ayatollah Hossein Nouri-Hamedani: "Fight the Jews and Vanquish Them" to prepare for the coming of Hidden Imam, the Shiite Messiah.

Exploding Toads

2005-04-29T10:04:00.000-06:00

Fuck me if every decent blogger url hasn't been abandoned for years or taken by some low-life spammer...

Anyhew... Just to get ya started:

More than 1000 toads have been found in Germany with their guts blown out. Scientist suspect that crows are pecking out the toads' livers, causing gas to build up in the toads until they 'explode'.